Hey ma, i just had a coffee mixed with nicotine, dinner is in the micro. deeply concentrated am i fixing this shattered portrait of me. Yes, it slipped off my hands again ma, would you forgive me if i wrote a poem just for you ?

Hey ma,
gotta tell you this,
cause i never sleep in bliss,
choose your loved ones, you warned,
listened, could I have walked away unharmed.

5-minute lifeline, and 15-inch scar,
dirty lung covered in tar,
read your books, follow the rest,
but then ma, could I ever be the best.

Dinner at 7 within picket fences,
trick to threaten my defences,
Climb as high, multiply and scatter,
but when you free fall, does it really matter?

Are you sure? You never asked,
Trusted in me within all those tears packed,
Did I disappoint you, or did I fill you with pride,
But ma, how would I know if I never tried?

7.pm, while you finished your dinner and watch the re-run of a re-cap of a re-cycled CathodeRayTube collage and turn yourself into recess monkey, I have a deep confrontation with the man in my room, the man I raise thumbs to on my way and forth a mirror.
Today, I seek no shelter behind the ring of smoke, no blurry eyesight, no hiding under a tear, no coveted sympathies.
Its face-off, him and me. So, I write this love song for him:

I hate you,
For the way you smile
Smile like you can buy the world,
But the thought is so vile,
You see, all that shines is not gold,

I hate you,
For the talents you possess,
Paint a picture or manipulate,
Brushes you use, dipped in tears masses,
From eyelids yours-mine provoking hate,

I hate you,
For your drive and ambition,
You have had it since you were born,
You travel the rails, station to station,
tickets torn to destination unknown,

I hate you,
For the unselfish love you give,
Make believe it’s the life you live,
Cry if, in return they don’t give,
Why then give if you do not receive?